Happy Mondays: There's no inner-peace in keeping a stiff upper lip

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Alastair Cook has admitted that he was gutted about being replaced as England captain

It is a duty to cover up the truth, to nip and tuck away lest you remind others of life's great inevitability.

But you don't have to live in Tinsel Town to live a life of cover–up or a clinical sculpting of the truth. We often live in denial of our real feelings, of how we interact with others authentically and lose sight of our truth as we do what is expected and not what our heart tells us. Phrases such as "I'm easy", "whatever you want" or simply "I'm fine" can be passive aggressive panaceas used to paper over potential pain.

It may seem like a peace–keeping option at the time but there is always a payoff. Regret, resentment and the dread feeling that your needs are neither seen nor heard.

How refreshing then that England cricketer Alastair Cook confessed he was "gutted" at being replaced as captain of England's One Day International team by Eoin Morgan. It also showed essential self care when he added that "it is likely to take a while to get over the disappointment".

I love this. There is a time and place for our stiff upper lips and no shame at all in expressing our real feelings and being honest enough to demonstrate our hurt.

There is a time and place for our stiff upper lips and no shame at all in expressing our real feelings and being honest enough to demonstrate our hurt

Carole Ann Rice

Many of us will know a glowering father or grandfather so blocked and sealed up in the cell of their suppressed emotions that they became sullen, tongue–bound prisoners.

Arteries fur, blood pressure rises and a feeling of isolated resentment builds. We need to make it safe for ourselves to speak up, have the courage to honour our emotions and stand by them. Break the news gently but truthfully, be prepared for other people to kick off but stick with your truth and feel the liberation of showing yourself compassion and care.

So the next time that you feel like slipping into the dangerous default position of saying "no problem" be prepared for an investment in your short–term gain that could lead to long–term pain.

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So what did you get for Christmas? Hands up who got a spare tyre and a smidgeon of self–loathing? It all seemed a good idea at the time, the extra trifle and dessert wine and now is the period of denial and diet.

If only there were a quick fix to rid us of our excesses. If there were what would you give? Horrifically one in five of those interviewed said they would lose a little finger to achieve the perfect body shape.

This finding alone shows the levels of anxiety we feel under to conform to a specific size or weight.

This research was conducted by Be Real, a movement campaigning for body confidence. They say that we should be thinking of long–term healthy eating habits rather than faddy weight–loss solutions.

Only last week actress Angelina Jolie, above right, and singer Lily Allen made the news by looking thinner than ever while some tutted in faux concern as Kim Kardashian was seen buying sugary cereal no doubt to keep her lush curves firmly in place. The messages are mixed but the art is to keep it simple.

Find things other than food to make you feel good and feed that bliss. Learn to accept yourself warts, wodges and all and if you do over–indulge forgive yourself and remember that change is but a minute and thought away.

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Angelina Jolie made news for looking thinner than ever last week

• New Year's Eve is my least favourite annual landmark. As a life coach I work to the principle that any day of the year can be New Year's Eve: a time for change, hope, acceptance, possibility and forgiveness.

So if you wake on January 1 feeling toxic, broke and hopeless remember this one thing: there's always tomorrow. Happy New Year to you all.

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Your malapropisms by family and friends continue to flood in and raise cheer. 

But the Oscar this week goes to Frank Turner of Bristol who wrote in of his late mother who "despite being very intelligent achieved family fame with her miscontrol of the English language".

She would say she loved listening to "Hammers and Rogerstein", complained about parents picking their kids up from school in their "four by twos", enjoyed "metropolitan ice cream with Cameroon biscuits", liked a glass of "45 wine" and worried about slipping on "parakeet" floors.

She once travelled on a "cross–flannel cherry" too. In her past she'd danced the "coca cola on VD Day" and during the war her dad was a "RIP warden" which had left her "imperious" to pain.

What a wonderful way of looking at the world. Let's all be imperious to pain today. Please keep sending them in.

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