Happy Mondays: We should stop self-loathing and just have fun

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A negative mindset is recipe for disaster

Sorry. But I thought I'd flag that up because – along with cold sores, flu and a scratchy cough – there's a lot of it about right now.

This state of affairs comes about after disappointments, let–downs and screw–ups conducted by the self, inflicted on the self.

The well–intentioned juicer gathering cobwebs, the exercise bike now used as a clothes horse or the half–started hobby left floating in the ether of hope over application. All good weaponry.

Any new changes or ventures will wither on the vine if the motivation behind them is somehow brutal or punitive.

There is a dread seriousness about diets, detoxing, dry–January–ing and all the other self–flagellating foolery of this time of year that makes me want to do the reverse and mainline martinis and go industrial size on the crisps

Carole Ann Rice

You have really got to want your goals, dreams and ambitions more than you care about the pain and discomfort it takes to get them. If you can build in fun and reward along the way you have a formula for success.

Beating yourself up, feeling shame or "I'm a loser" self–talk are a recipe for disaster.

You wouldn't beat a car for running out of petrol (unless you were Basil Fawlty) so a bit of positive self–talk and compassion might make the journey less painful.

There is a dread seriousness about diets, detoxing, dry–January–ing and all the other self–flagellating foolery of this time of year that makes me want to do the reverse and mainline martinis and go industrial size on the crisps.

Let's all lighten up about our self–improvement journeys.

There's no joy in these self–imposed denials and everyone walking around Edgar Allen Poe–faced in their suffering instead of high–kicking Gene Kelly style "gotta dance!" positivity.

The reason these resolutions are taken on with such determination is because we know we will be the merciless boot camp commandants of our self esteem if we fail, with a following 11 months of self–recrimination thereafter.

It comes as no surprise that a survey of 2,000 men and women by Laughing Cow Extra Light revealed that the average Briton gives up on at least four diets in one year.

But the heartening news is that 26 per cent of those questioned said their ideal way to lose weight would be to "laugh off the pounds" and with 15 minutes of laughter burning off 25 calories we could at last be on the right track.

Add fun, levity and joy to your goals not kale, cabbage and winces.

While writing this column I used the online thesaurus to suggest some words for self–loathing and self–disgust and an advert came up asking: "Flat belly?" I rest my case.

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The sales do go some way to lighten the gloom of the bleak mid–winter.

The trouble is some fashion shops are already showcasing the spring collections, all winsome pale pinks, fringes, gingham and pleather (plastic that looks like leather). It is all too much to resist.

It is hard to justify the splurge out on clothes that conjure up brighter days of daffodils and crocuses when it is grey above and dead–leaf sludge below.

But scoop up the bargains anyway and think of any forays into the new season as an investment in hope if nothing else. As Carrie Bradshaw, left, from Sex And The City once said: "I like my money where I can see it... hanging in my closet."

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• IT'S great to learn from your humorous shared malapropisms from family and friends that it is not just the elderly who excel.

Lindsay Williams emailed to say: "When my daughter was small she called her pupils 'peepholes', which makes perfect sense" and recalls the time her daughter said she had to take in some carrots, potatoes and canned goods to give to the "harvest vegetable".

Sandra Hudson recalls a moment worthy of a Carry On film when her 82–year–old father–in–law turned to his wife and said, "I think I'm impotent" to which she whirled around with a quick–fire, "What's so important about you?"

Make our day and keep sending them in please.

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If you do have bruises on your bottom from all that butt–kicking you are putting yourself through, here are a few coaching tips on self–forgiveness and letting go:

• Talk to yourself as you would a best friend, not your worst enemy. Be gentle, supportive and offer solutions, not punishment. Show compassion and forgive yourself.

• When has stressing about a mistake made it better? Find out what went wrong and devise a plan to make it right next time. What do you need to help support you?

• One mistake doesn't mean the end. Don't throw in the towel straight away. Give yourself the chance to try again and again and countless other times if need be.

• If you can forgive others for their faults what would it take for you to do the same for yourself?

• Focus on the good about you and what you do rather than concentrating on your deficits. Keep a Big Me Up book of all your achievements, good points, skills and gifts and refer to it regularly when the inner critic crops up.

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